Bonding with Baby Begins in the Womb

After the experience with the Braxton Hick’s contractions, I noticed Gareth being rather quiet at night when he is normally most active.  It got me a little worried and I stayed up waiting to feel his movements.  After putting Gavin down to sleep, I played a little Mozart for Gareth because the music always seemed to make him dance.  It took a while, but Gareth eventually started moving again I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

The whole experience started me thinking about my reaction to the news when I discovered Gareth was a boy and not the girl I so badly wanted.  I’ve realised that my reaction every time someone asks me if I know whether I’m having a boy or a girl has been rather negative. That doesn’t seem to be the right way to start off this relationship with my new baby.  In fact, I think it’s been a rather negative start to our relationship so I’ve resolved to change my attitude.

One of the reasons why I’ve always felt it was important to discover the sex of the baby before birth is this reason – if a parent is so hung up on having a baby of a particular sex, the disappointment upon discovery that the baby is the opposite sex might impact his or her acceptance of the child at birth.  Obviously you would have to accept it, but I think it is better to have a few months to prepare yourself than to suddenly have to adapt on the spot.

Given a few months to adjust, you would definitely come around and even be excited about the baby.  If you were really hankering for a baby of a particular sex, regardless of whether you want to admit it or not, it would still affect the way you would behave towards that baby.  As a parent, in time, you would surely come to accept and love the baby that you have, but you would have lost out on those initial precious days while you were adjusting.

So though I am disappointed that I won’t be having a girl – I can’t escape that fact – I do still love Gareth very much.  My fear that something might be wrong when he stopped moving recently was indication enough that Gareth is just as important to me as if he were a girl.  Instead of thinking about how much I wished I was having a girl, I have decided to start focusing on how happy I am that I am going to have Gareth.

I keep talking about how important it is to bond with your baby and what better time can there be to start than when your baby is in the womb?

Published by Shen-Li

SHEN-LI LEE is the author of “Brainchild: Secrets to Unlocking Your Child’s Potential”. She is also the founder of (a website on parenting, education, child development) and (a website on Right Brain Education, cognitive development, and maximising potentials). In her spare time, she blogs on Forty, Fit & Fed, and Back to Basics.

2 thoughts on “Bonding with Baby Begins in the Womb

  1. We had an ultrasound tell us we were expecting a boy. Both my husband and I were expecting a girl and were surprised by what the doctor told us he saw in the ultrasound. When our baby was born A GIRL, we were thrilled and didn’t love her any less. Still, the first few months after her birth we did feel like we were mourning the son we didn’t have.


  2. Yes, you can’t escape the instances when the doctor has made a mistake in observing the sex of the baby on the ultrasound. Unfortunately, those are things that can’t be helped.

    I think it also depends on how badly it is that you wanted a baby of a specific sex. I think most of us don’t really mind either way, but there are some parents who are just desperate for a boy, or a girl. I know one father who was so adamant that they were having a boy that he refused accept any girl names for the baby. It turned out that the baby was a girl. I think it is when you have your heart so set on a thought that it becomes difficult to adjust to the change when you discover you didn’t get what you want.

    Personally, I’m afraid I was rather “desperate” for a girl (I also wanted a girl with my first, so this has been like a double whammy for me). In that sense, I think it is good that I have all this time to adjust to the idea of having another boy. Of course he’s my baby and I still love him, but I do realise that my reaction to him would not have been the same as it would have if he were a girl. Somehow I don’t like the idea that I would treat him differently (even if I still love him) just because he wasn’t a girl.


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